Archive for the ‘The Original 30 Day Smiling Experiment’ Category
More smiles at work with coworkers and students. I guess the one interesting thing I noted was that one student seemed to be joking around more than usual during the break, lightening up the mood. At any rate, I am glad for anything to lighten the mood up. Otherwise, I had a lot to cover this day and it was difficult to get too much smiling in. I tried. Once again, one should always smile when you can, because many times you just can’t.
On this day I paid a visit to the dentist. Before I could even think of smiling, the receptionist greeted me with a great big smile. Folks in the waiting room, on the other hand, seemed a bit downcast. I was able to greet one waiting guy with a smile, but no chain reaction of cheer followed. Once in the dentist chair, I was greeted by a very friendly dentist and assistant. In fact, the two dentists at this facility are both very friendly and smiley all the time. And I think it rubs off on all the staff working for them because everyone at this particular office seems very friendly. This is perhaps one of the reasons our entire family, our inlaws, and just about everybody we know, choose this dentist. A tip for business owners or management, especially those dealing with the public:
When top management smiles, support staff smiles. The entire organization becomes more productive, worker turnover decreases, and customers will flock to your place of business.
I also stopped at a grocery store on the way home. Both the clerk and bagger were receptive to smiles.
On this day I worked from home tending to my distance education courses so I did not get out to see anybody other than family. Up until this point, all my kids except my oldest have responded positively to all this smiling of mine. But on this day, even my oldest teen (17 years old next fall) responded well. And at one point, he even smiled back when I made a joking remark. Perhaps you should watch for this news item on today’s 6:00 news:
Breaking News! Even your 16 year old son or daughter will smile back if you smile at them enough!
Oh yeah, I forgot. A US Census worker stopped by to get our info. I gave her a smile or two. She seemed to really appreciate it. I am sure there are some folks that are not too enthusiastic to provide her the information she needs to get.
This Easter Sunday had us in church. I smiled at friends and most smiled back, as usual. But one thing that jumped out at me this day was that I found myself having a different outlook on those people I noticed that were not smiling at all: instead of worrying about me (why are they not smiling at me?), I shifted my focus to them and the possible difficulties and struggles they may be facing. There are situations where a person just can’t smile, no matter how hard they try. And there was at least one such person I spoke with.
Back at home, we celebrated my youngest son’s birthday. It was an enjoyable time for all our family and my wife’s parents (If you are wondering why we see so much of my wife’s parents it is partially because they live next door). Everyone was smiling, including me of course. Even my oldest teen at times. It was a fun afternoon. It is difficult to know if my smiling had an effect since it was a naturally smiley day. At any rate, I am quite certain that my added smiles did not put a damper on the event!
This was a Saturday where I only was in face-to-face contact with my wife and kids.
Smiles were working all around. My two daughters (and youngest kids) just seem to gobble up these smiles! My very youngest girl, age 7, lights up like a Christmas tree when I give her a smile.
The other kids responded well. Even my oldest almost responded with a smile back.
My wife, as usual, smiled back. But as I mentioned, she is a natural smiler. I noticed on this day that she even smiles while talking on the phone!
My wife has been a lot cheerier as of late (not that she was not cheery before most of the time). There was not even the so-common holiday cleanup hysteria that has been so common in the past – my wife just calmly enlisted all of us to help straighten up in the evening. And the following day was to be a double whammy – Easter and my youngest son’s birthday as a combo! I think this, in itself, is significant.
This day started with some bumps. Amidst a lot of work to do teaching my distance ed courses from my home office, my wife tried to install some software on her computer that would not work and through a series of events (prompts, popup ads, etc) ended up purchasing a $30 piece of fairly useless software that seems to offer no way for us to get a refund. In other words, we are probably out $30. So my wife was not happy, nor was I. It was tough to get much smiling in early on even though we were not arguing – we were both just a bit upset about being ripped off. But, by early afternoon, things got back on schedule and my wife seemed very happy that I could give her a hug and a smile. This made me wonder – if I wasn’t doing this experiment I may have brooded about that stupid thirty dollars for days! Another reason to think that this experiment should continue indefinitely.
In the evening, we went to the Easter presentation that my wife wanted to see a week prior. And guess who went with us in addition to our two daughters and daughter’s friend? My father-in-law and mother-in-law! I am almost certain that this whole smiling thing played a big part in my mother-in-law being willing to go with us. I am hard-pressed to remember too many other times that my inlaws (both of them) have gone out with my wife and I for anything besides perhaps our kids piano recital or other such event.
Well I have reached the halfway point of this experiment and a few noteworthy events occurred this day.
At the office I greeted another guy with a smile, but after doing so I realized that I generally have not greeted this same fellow since he is not a coworker (but is the young adult son of a coworker that drops in on occasion) and he is generally not too sociable. What was noteworthy is that I was not trying to do this as part of this experiment - it seemed to be something that is now naturally starting to happen! Right after greeting him I thought “Wow, I dd not even plan on doing that!” At any rate, this person greeted me back.
Later in the day, on the way home, I stopped at a large store that I generally never stop at. Preoccupied with finding the item I needed, I totally forgot about this smiling experiment and reverted back to my usual Mr. win-no-friends-and-influence-no-people demeanor. So what I think might be happening is that this new me is starting to “take” while in familiar surroundings like at home, the office, and other places I frequently visit, but still may not be fully integrated in unfamiliar surroundings. Maybe.
Another interesting event: My oldest teen son looked at me with a look that clearly seemed to say “Are you going crazy?” when I greeted him with a smile. The other kids seem to be very happy with all of this.
I will confess this whole experiment has been a bit challenging at times. I spent the first 27 or so years of my life learning how to take a negative stance on most every issue or situation. Such “training” is not easily unlearned. But, after seeing that this experiment is not only bringing a bit of cheer into my own life, but also into the lives of those around me, I am now determined to complete it to the thirty days and also implement it permanently.
This day started with some rough edges. My wife was down with a cold and our kids were doing what kids naturally do, messing up the house, squabbling with each other, and not doing exactly what they were supposed to be doing. So it was hard to get a smile back early on. But, later in the day, my wife did return smiles. I have come to this realization about sick people.
Sometimes you must persist in efforts to bring cheer when the other person is under the weather. Sick people often don’t like to smile back. But keep trying. They need the smile more than anyone.
Later in the day I dropped in to pay a short visit to my in-laws. My mother-in-law was again very cheery towards me! She has, it seems, benefited almost more than anyone from this experiment.
The kids continued to respond in a very positive manner. They seem to like the new me.
I tried something new this day. I recently read that people loved to hear their name. So when I stopped at the store, in addition to smiling I greeted workers by name (since they always wore name badges). The reaction was, for the most part, very positive. A few seemed a bit surprised, but others seemed very pleased to receive such a warm and personalized greeting. Using the name in such a way, along with a smile, seems to advance the relationship from that of strangers to one of casual acquaintances. I also made a point to use my coworker’s names when I could – it is difficult to know if it made any appreciable difference, but I fairly sure it did not hurt any. I didn’t overdo it by the way. I only used their name once. I think if one repeated the other person’s name many times it could make them suspicious or nervous.
A very good friend of mine stopped by in the evening. I would almost call him a best friend. I smiled a bit, but not always. And to be honest it did not seem to matter that much. I have recently come to realize something about really good friends:
Really good friends won’t like you any more if you smile. But they won’t like you any less if you don’t smile.
In other words, really good friends will be there for you even if you are a bit down and out. So if you are fortunate enough to have such a friend, be very thankful.
On this day my Mother-in-law dropped by again. She was very nice and friendly towards me – about the most ever! I am convinced that this experiment has had a very big effect on her. It also makes me realize how the feeling of being excluded reinforced her own mopey behavior, thus leading to more exclusion. (The vicious cycle).
I noticed even more of a “thawing” in my oldest teen. Almost a smile back!
We had car problems today, which is generally not something you smile about. (At least I haven’t in the past). But on the same note, it is not something one should fret too much about. In the past I would have sulked a bit on this issue but I think this experiment has given me a different outlook. I came to the realization that we are very blessed in that we can afford to have this old (1999) vehicle fixed or even replaced – and that is something to smile about. I ended up charging up the battery and then disconnecting it so the mysterious dome light that comes on by itself would not drain it – this allowed my wife to use it the next morning to make her appointments.
My youngest daughter has been returning very big smiles as of late. This experiment seems to be having a very positive effect on her. Less getting upset I notice. Good to see.
This day I interacted with friends at church again. I put on the smiles for those I spoke with before service. The reactions were positive, but I think they would have been positive even without the extra grins. Otherwise, as we sang our songs at the beginning of service, I found myself rejoicing in how blessed I am in so many ways – So I had on a smile, but I was not smiling at anyone in particular.
Back at home I continued with the smiles. My youngest son always smiles back I noticed. And my middle son, always up for a good joke, usually smiles back. And I think I might even be starting to get through to my oldest teen – that is going to take some work. . . check back at about day 29 or so!
My oldest daughter, age 10, cleaned up the house by herself (without being asked) while my wife was away visiting a friend. That made my wife smile when she got home.
