Posts Tagged ‘marriage’
I was sort of busy yesterday and did not have a chance to post. So I will post to report on both Day 5 and Day 6.
Day 5 featured some challenges. My wife all of a sudden started making all kinds of requests: Paint the walls, fix the door, move this, build that, do this, do that. It gets a little overwhelming (for me) but I kept the smile and by later in the day all was happiness and bliss.
Day 6 was a nice day in that I was able to spend some great time with most of my kids. Two middle boys helped me with some yard work, then 3 of my kids and myself played a board game and then we all went swimming. Don’t know if smiling had too much to do with this, but I am sure it didn’t hurt. I am still smiling at my oldest son, and at least he is acknowledging me now, although I am not getting a smile back.
My wife took our youngest into the doctor, and while in town stopped at the Menard’s home store and picked up some brochures on kitchen counter tops. Of course you can imagine where this is leading to? A complete kitchen remodel! Not that I am against the remodel, but right now is not the best time in light of the fact that other things are planned this summer. But I was able to explain all that would be involved and we were able to agree on holding off. A smile or two did not hurt here either!
To my wife’s delight, I shaved my beard this day.
Well I got out of the house this day. Went to church and then a church event. Smiles went a long way at church, as they usually do. And even though my wife showed up late (I bring the kids to Sunday School and my wife drives separate) I returned her smile with a smile rather than a grimace as she waltzed in while service was already going. At the event I found myself spending most of my time with my wife at the event. What a concept huh? Spending time with your spouse! It made me realize that spouses often “do their own thing” more than they should. And I also realized that without that first smile at church, I may have not ended up spending the time with my wife later.
I dropped over at the inlaw’s house. Gave my mother-in-law a smile and greeting. She really seems to like me now. And I have the Original 30-day Smiling Experiment to thank for that.
Smiling at the kids proved to be a good thing once again this day.
Yesterday (actually the evening before), I started a new smiling experiment. I have summer break now and am spending a lot more time around family. So this will be mostly an experiment around my wife and kids. Mostly my wife as my kids are busy doing their own thing much of the time.
My wife immediately responded in a very positive manner. Like night and day compared to the few days previous. And frankly, with this new experiment, I have been trying to be a bit more considerate as well. But, as I mentioned before, it is difficult to brew up a disagreement with someone if you are smiling at them and they are smiling back.
On this first day I made a quick stop at our local grocery store. I gave the lady that has known me for near 15 years a big smile and greeting by name. I think she was a bit shocked since she seems to regard me as a perfect stranger. It was a nice way to kick off this new smiling campaign.
My youngest daughter, just turned 8, is now a “Daddy’s girl”. She has been since the end of the Original 30-Day Smiling Experiment. She is so responsive to a smile. And I am happy to say that I never stopped smiling at her even at the conclusion of that experiment. So some of it “stuck”.
At any rate, I am liking this already. Stay tuned!
Well, this was the last day of this experiment, and it sure started out in a not-so-smiley way! My morning cup of coffee tasted like soap, which then gave me an upset stomach. This was followed up by my wife’s requests to fix the dishwasher. And meanwhile, I had a pile of work to do! So no, I was not smiling at the start of the day! But, after running some de-limer through the machine (which only took a few minutes to set up) and getting the dishwasher situation straightened out, things got a bit better!
This was a smiling-at-family day. The results were consistent with past results. In summary – It Works! All-around moods are better in the household. I wish I had video of before and after this experiment because I am certain that this household is a happier place now!
I paid a visit to my father-in-law and mother-in-law. Again, smiles to my mother-in-law communicated something to her that words somehow can not do.
Also, smiled at my oldest teen, but it seemed difficult to get much of any reaction from him this day.
Perhaps the most important thing I learned from this experiment is that:
People that seem to smile the least will benefit the most from your smile.
Somehow, some way, I must continue this experiment indefinitely. I plan to post periodic updates from time to time.
This day started off really slow. Working from home is always challenging to get the smiles in. I had a lot of online assignments to correct on this day and it can be hard to smile when busy like this. But I made up for it later in the day. I surprised my wife by cheerfully agreeing (with a smile) to buy the new silverware set on sale that she wants – we do need some silverware since our old stuff has mysteriously been disappearing (kids).
My youngest daughter, age 8, continues to respond very positively to the smiling – she will want a hug many times when I smile at her! And, I have noticed that this daughter seems happier overall. She used to cry and complain over the littlest things but now she seems more content. That alone is well worth the effort of this experiment.
Tomorrow brings more interactions with the outside world. Only two more days!
This day started with some bumps. Amidst a lot of work to do teaching my distance ed courses from my home office, my wife tried to install some software on her computer that would not work and through a series of events (prompts, popup ads, etc) ended up purchasing a $30 piece of fairly useless software that seems to offer no way for us to get a refund. In other words, we are probably out $30. So my wife was not happy, nor was I. It was tough to get much smiling in early on even though we were not arguing – we were both just a bit upset about being ripped off. But, by early afternoon, things got back on schedule and my wife seemed very happy that I could give her a hug and a smile. This made me wonder – if I wasn’t doing this experiment I may have brooded about that stupid thirty dollars for days! Another reason to think that this experiment should continue indefinitely.
In the evening, we went to the Easter presentation that my wife wanted to see a week prior. And guess who went with us in addition to our two daughters and daughter’s friend? My father-in-law and mother-in-law! I am almost certain that this whole smiling thing played a big part in my mother-in-law being willing to go with us. I am hard-pressed to remember too many other times that my inlaws (both of them) have gone out with my wife and I for anything besides perhaps our kids piano recital or other such event.
This day featured more work from home. Smiled at my wife and got the usual big smiles back. My wife seems to be enjoying the “new me” even though she does not realize that I am doing anything different. One thing I have realized is that, with respect to marriage,
it is difficult to brew up an argument or much of a disagreement if you are smiling. Also, a smile can disarm a disagreement or discontent already begun.
Later in the day I paid a visit to my father-in-law and mother-in-law. Talked about stuff in general and smiled as much as possible. My mother-in-law was very friendly towards me – she seems to benefit greatly from having someone smile at her. My mother-in-law has had some difficult things to deal with throughout her life and she can be a real sad-sack at times. Someone giving her a smile and a warm greeting seems to brighten up her day greatly. Perhaps there are a lot of people like that in this world. My father-in-law also seemed to enjoy being around a smiling son-in-law better than one that is not.
Smiled at the kids some more. They responded well, as usual, for the most part. My wife’s friend was over and she was just happy to visit. It was difficult to know if the smiling had an effect.
