Posts Tagged ‘smile back principle’
On this day our entire family, and inlaws, attended a community theater production. Generally, at such functions, most all people are in a fairly smiley mood, and this was no different. There was one person, however, that in the past has seemed a bit aloof toward me. Truthfully, I always assumed that this person did not like me for some reason. But on this day, I greeted this person with a smile, by name and this person cheerfully returned a smile. Once again, I believe I found a person with my same mindset (before this experiment) – they don’t smile because they believe the other person does not care for them – in return the other person leaves them alone. The vicious cycle. Through this experiment I learned a valuable lesson:
Never assume a person that appears unfriendly and does not smile or greet you does not like you. It may be that they think you don’t like them. Give them a smile and a greeting by name and you will see how quickly this situation can turn around!
I stopped by our nearby small town auto parts store today. This store is owned by perhaps the most unsmiley person on the face of the earth! There was even a time once where this owner’s unfriendly behavior (and unwillingness to serve me) caused me to leave the store. So this would be the acid test. Would smiling work? I noticed that another fellow was also working, I think it was the owner’s son. Fortunately, however, I got “Mr. Unsmiley” to serve me. He found the small part I needed and literally tossed it across the counter, almost like he was angry about selling it (no kidding)! I persisted in smiles and we struck up a little conversation about the possible problem in my vehicle. I then thanked him for the good service with a big smile. And you know what? He smiled back! I think this was the first time ever I had seen him smile! The Smile Back Principle worked! What this made me realize also was
If you are smiling, it will be easier to find something complimentary to say. And if you find something complimentary to say, you will find it easier to smile.
I also visited the local grocery store. The checkout clerk (younger fellow) seemed more than happy to joke around after I greeted him with a smile and a joking comment about a product at the checkout. I think people in this type of job greatly appreciate a smile.
On this day, I was treated to a day of job in-service. This is where you listen to speakers all day long. Honestly, there are a lot of eyes glazed over on such days. But, this provided me some unique opportunities with this experiment. I was able to get some smiling in at our table, and several employees I never met before seemed to respond positively. I think what was more groundbreaking was that I was included in a group of coworkers going out to lunch – in fact it seemed like they really wanted me along. I say this is groundbreaking because I have, in the past, been conveniently excluded from such outings – and frankly, that was kind of tough to take! But I have, through this experiment, learned that
People like to be around smiling upbeat people and will avoid mopey negative people. If you want to be included, smile. It is almost impossible to be mopey and negative while you smile!
On the way home, I stopped at a store and the checkout lady seemed to be in quite a somber mood. As I departed, I answered her very subdued “Thank you and have a good day” with a big smile and my own “Thank you”. It was as if someone flipped a switch – this lady just lit up with a big smile in return.
On this day my Mother-in-law dropped by again. She was very nice and friendly towards me – about the most ever! I am convinced that this experiment has had a very big effect on her. It also makes me realize how the feeling of being excluded reinforced her own mopey behavior, thus leading to more exclusion. (The vicious cycle).
I noticed even more of a “thawing” in my oldest teen. Almost a smile back!
We had car problems today, which is generally not something you smile about. (At least I haven’t in the past). But on the same note, it is not something one should fret too much about. In the past I would have sulked a bit on this issue but I think this experiment has given me a different outlook. I came to the realization that we are very blessed in that we can afford to have this old (1999) vehicle fixed or even replaced – and that is something to smile about. I ended up charging up the battery and then disconnecting it so the mysterious dome light that comes on by itself would not drain it – this allowed my wife to use it the next morning to make her appointments.
My youngest daughter has been returning very big smiles as of late. This experiment seems to be having a very positive effect on her. Less getting upset I notice. Good to see.
On this day I paid a visit to our local rural grocery store and hardware store. I don’t know what it is about this grocery store, but it tends to be about the “un-smiliest” place I can think of, short of perhaps a waiting room in a doctor’s office. There is one clerk at this store that will rarely smile at me, nor greet me, and I have been visiting this store for over 15 years! And even the manager can be that same way! I have come very close to confronting the owner on this issue in the past, but I figured that perhaps I was not trying too hard myself (and now I think that indeed that this was the case). At any rate, there were some new, younger, staff working this Saturday afternoon and they also had somber expressions. I put on the smiles at most everyone. One middle aged woman customer kept looking back at me, wondering what I was up to, although I was trying not to look too goofy. But then something kind of neat happened – the clerk broke into a joking mood and several of the employees joined in. Smiles all around! In fact, it was to the point where my father-in-law, who came with me, commented on what “a smiley bunch this was”. My father-in-law, like everyone else, does not know I am conducting this experiment. So I guess this day taught me that
smiles, given away in abundance, can even get un-smiley people to smile back.
In summary, to get a smile, you must often first give a smile. Call it the Smile Back Principle.
Otherwise this day, I visited the local hardware store, which is always filled with smiles. There are at least two very nice, very friendly, joking, fellows working there – I think this always creates a pleasant atmosphere for everyone working and shopping there. I always enjoy visiting this store. Smiles were returned but generally smiles are always returned here so it was difficult to notice any difference.
No big events at the home front. My wife smiled her beautiful smile back at me, as usual.
