Posts Tagged ‘smile’
On this Memorial Day we all went to a gathering at a local park to have a cookout and play outdoor games and visit. It was a very enjoyable time as the weather was very nice. Smiles helped but I think most folks were already in a very smiley mood.
Back at home, we had an enjoyable evening with the wife and kids. A fun day all around, with or without the extra smiles!
I tried something new this day. I recently read that people loved to hear their name. So when I stopped at the store, in addition to smiling I greeted workers by name (since they always wore name badges). The reaction was, for the most part, very positive. A few seemed a bit surprised, but others seemed very pleased to receive such a warm and personalized greeting. Using the name in such a way, along with a smile, seems to advance the relationship from that of strangers to one of casual acquaintances. I also made a point to use my coworker’s names when I could – it is difficult to know if it made any appreciable difference, but I fairly sure it did not hurt any. I didn’t overdo it by the way. I only used their name once. I think if one repeated the other person’s name many times it could make them suspicious or nervous.
A very good friend of mine stopped by in the evening. I would almost call him a best friend. I smiled a bit, but not always. And to be honest it did not seem to matter that much. I have recently come to realize something about really good friends:
Really good friends won’t like you any more if you smile. But they won’t like you any less if you don’t smile.
In other words, really good friends will be there for you even if you are a bit down and out. So if you are fortunate enough to have such a friend, be very thankful.
This day featured more work from home. Smiled at my wife and got the usual big smiles back. My wife seems to be enjoying the “new me” even though she does not realize that I am doing anything different. One thing I have realized is that, with respect to marriage,
it is difficult to brew up an argument or much of a disagreement if you are smiling. Also, a smile can disarm a disagreement or discontent already begun.
Later in the day I paid a visit to my father-in-law and mother-in-law. Talked about stuff in general and smiled as much as possible. My mother-in-law was very friendly towards me – she seems to benefit greatly from having someone smile at her. My mother-in-law has had some difficult things to deal with throughout her life and she can be a real sad-sack at times. Someone giving her a smile and a warm greeting seems to brighten up her day greatly. Perhaps there are a lot of people like that in this world. My father-in-law also seemed to enjoy being around a smiling son-in-law better than one that is not.
Smiled at the kids some more. They responded well, as usual, for the most part. My wife’s friend was over and she was just happy to visit. It was difficult to know if the smiling had an effect.
This day started with a few bumps. An upset stomach makes it a bit difficult to smile. I think feeling ill in general might make it difficult to smile. So keep that in mind the next time you visit someone in the hospital. Or if a normally cheerful friend seems a bit off, you might want to inquire as to why and offer your help in any way. But by midday I pulled out of it. Working from home this day I did not have a lot of chances for interaction, but what little opportunity I had showed more positive results. In the evening my sons had a few friends over and I tried my smiling on them – they responded positively by smiling back. These friends of my sons have a dad that smiles a lot (in addition to being a wonderful helper to many people in need), so I guess they are kind of used to this.
In the evening, when my wife pulled in the driveway with my two daughters, I risked blowing my cover (nobody in the family knows about this experiment) and rapped on both my wife’s and older daughter’s car windows and just gave them a big smile. Kind of goofy I know, but they liked being greeted like this. Better than a scowl, huh?
Day 2 featured my mother-in-law paying a visit. My mother-in-law responded quite well to the smiles! And she doesn’t generally smile too much around me (to put it gently …). But she smiled back! My wife responded well. But my wife is a natural smiler herself and it does not take much to get a cheerful look back from her. But then we hit a small bump in the road – I ate a piece of the dessert she was saving for a pot luck dinner the following day. Whoops! We managed to get through that one, although it helped greatly that a neighbor was over at the time. You know how it goes.
In the evening of Day 2 I joined some fellows for a men’s retreat. These are pretty darned nice guys I will say, but I have felt a bit excluded at times in the past. But this time it was different. I think. I even was shown how to play cribbage – the last two such retreats I watched as the others played. Did the smiles make them want me around?
Day 3 featured more time with the guys. I think I figured something out. . .
people leave you alone when they see you never putting on a smile because I think they figure you are signaling that you wish to be left alone. That isolation, in turn makes the person left alone feel excluded. That in turn reinforces the sad-sack face. It is a vicious cycle.
At any rate, I was invited in for another game with the guys: bean bag toss. And I definitely did not feel excluded in any way shape or form while at this retreat.
Evening of Day 3 brought me back to my dear wife. She was cheerful, as she often is. (Except when she’s not LOL) So it is difficult to tell if my smile experiment is having an effect with her.
Day 4, Sunday, will give me more time with the kids. It will be interesting to see how they react. I have not had much time at all with them since this experiment began.
On the very first day of this experiment, I made a point to pleasantly smile at most everybody I came in contact with. The results were interesting:
- A fellow that I thought did not much care for me smiled back as I passed him in the hallway. Actually, this was the 2nd or 3rd time I passed by him and smiled.
- Some of my students (I am a teacher) stayed after classes to talk with me. This normally does not happen much. Suddenly I became so much more approachable!
- Overall, I found the reaction from virtually everybody (even strangers) to be very positive. This in turn made my day a bit better.
I will post again in a day or two about tomorrow and the next day as I try this experiment on family members and also I interact with some men at a men’s retreat. They don’t know I am conducting this experiment, by the way! Actually, nobody knows! I will not tell anybody until after the 30 days are over.
