Posts Tagged ‘vicious cycle’
On this day our entire family, and inlaws, attended a community theater production. Generally, at such functions, most all people are in a fairly smiley mood, and this was no different. There was one person, however, that in the past has seemed a bit aloof toward me. Truthfully, I always assumed that this person did not like me for some reason. But on this day, I greeted this person with a smile, by name and this person cheerfully returned a smile. Once again, I believe I found a person with my same mindset (before this experiment) – they don’t smile because they believe the other person does not care for them – in return the other person leaves them alone. The vicious cycle. Through this experiment I learned a valuable lesson:
Never assume a person that appears unfriendly and does not smile or greet you does not like you. It may be that they think you don’t like them. Give them a smile and a greeting by name and you will see how quickly this situation can turn around!
On this day my Mother-in-law dropped by again. She was very nice and friendly towards me – about the most ever! I am convinced that this experiment has had a very big effect on her. It also makes me realize how the feeling of being excluded reinforced her own mopey behavior, thus leading to more exclusion. (The vicious cycle).
I noticed even more of a “thawing” in my oldest teen. Almost a smile back!
We had car problems today, which is generally not something you smile about. (At least I haven’t in the past). But on the same note, it is not something one should fret too much about. In the past I would have sulked a bit on this issue but I think this experiment has given me a different outlook. I came to the realization that we are very blessed in that we can afford to have this old (1999) vehicle fixed or even replaced – and that is something to smile about. I ended up charging up the battery and then disconnecting it so the mysterious dome light that comes on by itself would not drain it – this allowed my wife to use it the next morning to make her appointments.
My youngest daughter has been returning very big smiles as of late. This experiment seems to be having a very positive effect on her. Less getting upset I notice. Good to see.
Day 2 featured my mother-in-law paying a visit. My mother-in-law responded quite well to the smiles! And she doesn’t generally smile too much around me (to put it gently …). But she smiled back! My wife responded well. But my wife is a natural smiler herself and it does not take much to get a cheerful look back from her. But then we hit a small bump in the road – I ate a piece of the dessert she was saving for a pot luck dinner the following day. Whoops! We managed to get through that one, although it helped greatly that a neighbor was over at the time. You know how it goes.
In the evening of Day 2 I joined some fellows for a men’s retreat. These are pretty darned nice guys I will say, but I have felt a bit excluded at times in the past. But this time it was different. I think. I even was shown how to play cribbage – the last two such retreats I watched as the others played. Did the smiles make them want me around?
Day 3 featured more time with the guys. I think I figured something out. . .
people leave you alone when they see you never putting on a smile because I think they figure you are signaling that you wish to be left alone. That isolation, in turn makes the person left alone feel excluded. That in turn reinforces the sad-sack face. It is a vicious cycle.
At any rate, I was invited in for another game with the guys: bean bag toss. And I definitely did not feel excluded in any way shape or form while at this retreat.
Evening of Day 3 brought me back to my dear wife. She was cheerful, as she often is. (Except when she’s not LOL) So it is difficult to tell if my smile experiment is having an effect with her.
Day 4, Sunday, will give me more time with the kids. It will be interesting to see how they react. I have not had much time at all with them since this experiment began.
